Friendships are a fashion accessory.

I've not achieved much more today rather than sit around watching more things hit Formula One drivers, finished my girlfriends mammoth present that if she doesn't like I'm deporting her, and drank enough coffee to give me cancer, or whatever else Radio 2 decides to tell my mother. I did however, manage to scan through my phonebook in an attempt to renew old friendships.

It was at this point I realised, I don't remember who half of them are, or don't want too. There's people I used to dance around in pubs at an underage drunken stupidness, people I'd helped in their biggest time of need or attention seeking, and girls who I was only friends with because I'd quite like to get under their dress. Some, I simply didn't remember at all, they may as well be the chip shop owner down the road for all I know.

Some I had stopped being friends with because we just drifted apart, normally because they were as exciting as waiting for global warming to happen as a giant Youtube video. Some were because of an argument the strength of a napalm strike over something as trivial as owing some money. Others were because I now have a dress to get under, and they can take the proverbial long walk off a short pier, for all I care. Back in the day though, we were strong as rock, we supposed. Well, it's a lie. Friendships are mostly used because you want something, either a girl wanting a quiet girl friend so she can look better to guys, or a guy wanting girl friends to look popular and score tips on how to get his hands under a dress, or simply a matter of knowing they have money, a car, or a more fun life than you do.

I have my close friends now, those purely there because we're loyal to each other and enjoy each others company, even though we don't have the underage drinking or dress molesting, and we look to be as solid as a wall, but even the biggest walls have fallen. It's just good to know we have a wall as great as that big one in China.

And as a bonus, my phonebooks a whole lot smaller.